At home it is easy to believe a change of scenery will bring about a change of self. It is harder to convince yourself of that when the change of scenery has already happened, and continues to happen on an almost daily basis, and yet the change of self has failed to appear.
If anything can be said to be disappointing about travel, it is that, indeed, wherever you go there you are.
If the ‘rebirth’ has not happened by now, will it ever? Or more to the point, is it folly to think that location has the power to transform us into the people we want to be, with out any effort on our part?
Of course it is.
And here is where I am at.
My travels have failed to turn my percieved toady existence into the sparkling adventure filled love-fest that I hoped it would be.
Why? It’s all starting to make sense…
Tolle says we have to be as friendly towards life as we want life to be towards us; that we have to take the first step and offer up our friendly inclinations before friendly inclinations can be offered back.
There in lies the answer. It was never about the travel in the first place, though travel is the best platform I have found to live the life I have imagined. The place with the most opportunity to be friendly, and eventually, get friendly back ten fold.
So what is the next step? What does this elusive, mythical unicorn of an idea actually look like in reality? Where do platitudes end and actions begin?
The decision to think differently has to be made once, a thousand times over again. The decision for non judgment and non resistance has to be made once….a moment, every moment until it becomes habit.
The old way of defining myself is not working anymore. That is what this trip has shown me in spades. It’s the puzzle piece that does not fit the puzzle I am in anymore, so it’s time to find a new one. Time to broaden, time to let go of my old labels, my old ‘ground’ as Pema says. I need to stop defining what my life is supposed to look like; what I am supposed to look like, what my interactions and outcomes are supposed to be.
This comfort zone of judgment and definition is what is really holding me back. If I stay within its confines, I ended up with a very small existence, and absolutely no adventure, because adventure is the opposite of definitions, it’s an opening up to life instead of a categorizing and thus shutting down of it.
So I let go of that voice, once, a thousand times once. That alienating voice that seeks to define and control. I place no more stock in control, and I open my arms to the unknown, hoping I have a big enough heart to take it all in, whatever is coming.